I did a Google image search for oppression, and it mostly returned images of political oppression through out the world. Yes, that exists. But what I’m speaking of is something I personally deal with. Spiritual oppression. For years, I have felt like the spirits of laziness, apathy, and procrastination have followed me around. This morning, trying to get up for work, I felt their full force again. The thing is, we moved recently. Started a new life, really. Everything changed about our ministry, location, finances. Even our mindset. As I mentioned before, we felt free. I really did feel free. And I am determined to keep that freedom in my mind. I will not be defeated here in this new place. The other thing is, this is a daily battle. It would be wonderful if it were once and for all gone, and the truth is, that ultimately it is. Christ has already defeated all of my battles, and that is why I can live in victory. But in the moment, they are still there, and it has to be that way, because if life were that easy, we wouldn’t be made stronger. We wouldn’t understand his glory. I have had to turn my thinking around today, and in this moment, I can say that I’m grateful for the adversity. Do I wish more on myself? Obviously not! But what I do struggle with, I want to defeat.

My debacle this morning started with waking up. My bed entrapped me. Not in the comical way when the covers are just so and you dwell in that sublime feeling for just a moment. It didn’t start very sweetly. I just felt dread. It’s not even true, because (of course no one enjoys going to work everyday but) I live a happy life. I have purpose, dreams, goals, desires. I love life. But this morning was just dreadful. I felt I couldn’t move. I kept my eyes closed despite my husband’s pleading to arise. I felt numb. Please don’t make me go there, I thought about my day job.

My husband, bless his warm and loving soul, was so gentle with me. He knows in the past the pressure tactic hasn’t worked, but he looked me dead in the eye (even though mine were closed) and resolved that he would not leave me this time. He had recognized that all the times before were not me being childish or irresponsible, but that there is a serious spiritual thing happening.

Oppression.

He spoke in Jesus’ name. He reminded me of my truest desires - that I only wanted to surrender in the moment but that the true me wanted to have victory in the end; that I still had the strength, even if just an inch, to start moving; that the freedom I wanted to not go to work is the freedom I can still have in my mind in the meantime; that I had been strong before so I could do it this time; that he would lead me. He held me up for a while, until I could stand on my own, while I cried. He made me a bowl of cereal. He called work letting them know we’d be a little late. He was a true legend. And that’s why I’m here today - at work but blogging when I can. It’s interesting, if I were on my own, I would likely still be lying in the bed alone and depleted. Thank Christ Jesus I do not have to live like that!  Even if I didn’t have the amazing husband I have. He died so that we might live. Might. There is still some dependence on us. We have to choose to live in his resurrection. No matter how hard that choice is sometimes, I still want to choose.